WHAT THE HEF!

Hugh-Hefner

Crystal Harris gets the Bimbo of the Year award for Heffing up a trip down the aisle to the playboy pimp Hugh Heffner. Rumor had It that she was on the low with Dr. Phil’s son, Jordan McGraw. I thought Crissy Snow was the connoisseur of dumb blondeness but Crystal Harris might be the new and improved version. We know and understand that the playboy bunny lost its swag years ago but through licensing deals Hef still got his weight up and he just renegotiated to put the energizer back in the bunny. Dr. Phil McGraw “Madoff” probably has a nice stash. The Madoff is slang for made-off with a bundle of wheat bread. That’s slang for money generated for being associated with Oprah.

Dr. Phil’s bank account can’t stack up to Hef’s run as the ultimate playboy mogul whose brand is still world-renowned. Allegedly Crystal was planning to give Hugh the heave-ho at the alter for five-hunid racks ($5ook). All Crystal needed to do was seek advice of some Sex Workers. Give $200 to any escort in any city in the U.S.A and I bet they would have come up with a better plan than to leave ole boy stranded in exchange for some interview money. Sex Worker rule # 4,080- media people are shady. Sex Worker rule #1- get your money up front.

Now Crystal is on the cover of the July issue of Playboy with the headlines “America’s Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Heffner. Not only did you play yourself Crystal, but you deaded any chance of having an Anna Nicole Smith type financial opportunity in the future. Hef is 85. Now crystal, I know your math skills probably suck bad but you don’t need an actuarial table to figure out that the “Big homey” ain’t got long to go. All you had to do was stay the course, lay low (pun intended) and smile for the cameras. Repeat after me: Leave Sex Work to Sex workers.

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